The windows are a’open, new Daft Punk is a’playin’ and I’m a’stuffin’ my face. (Ooh, sounded a little Italiano on that last one.)
In sum: it’s turning out to be quite a lovely day.
I’m pretty eager to get on to what will become your go-to, year-round salsa (yep, it’s that good), but first: a few exciting announcements. Hooray!
(Should we make them look like a list? I think we should. Wait, is that a bad idea because it will push the pretty Facebook and Twitter images I made too far down the page? Is that bad marketing? Probably. Oh screw it. I love lists!)
- I’m officially creating a posting schedule! As of today, I’ll be publishing new posts at least every Tuesday and Saturday. So for all of you out there who have been jonesing for some regularity, put down the Sunsweets, cuz I’ll be delivering smooth satisfaction a minimum of twice weekly.
- And most importantly, Happy Birthday to the hottest momma I know – mine! If my love for you were measured in creepiness, it’d be like jellied pigs blood from the back counter of the Asian Food Store combined with an aerial view of thousands of penguins combined with that guy made out of money from the Geico commercial. I love you that much.
(Oh my god, those penguin pictures….ughghghgghghgh. I couldn’t even bring myself to Google a link for the last one, so you’re on your own if you really want to check it out.)
Ok, so salsa. Can I dance it? Not even a little bit, as proven by my new
talent obsession, Zumba. But can I make it? Oh hey-all yes. And it’s good, my friends. Real good. Like — and I’m going out on a tremblingly skinny limb here — as-good-as-my-in-laws’ good. The Best, in fact, That I Have Ever Eaten.
Don’t believe me? Off the top of my head, the 10 good reasons why this salsa is a staple in our kitchen — and should be a staple in yours:
- It’s comprised almost solely of pantry ingredients — so you can enjoy it year-round (rear-yound), no juicy tom-toms needed.
- Ain’t no thang if you possess a black thumb of death like me. (See above: no juicy tom-toms needed.)
- Those people who say they “don’t eat tomatoes, except for, like, ketchup and spaghetti sauce” will eat it. READ: Chris eats it.
- The heat level is totally custom and predictable. No more wondering if that one little jalapeno is going to be a dud or an ass-burner.
- Perfectly sweet, no sugar added.
- At roughly $4 for 32 oz of seriously gourmet flavor, it’s a freaking steal. Yes, you can pick up a gallon of Pace for the same price at Costco, but why would you want to? You wouldn’t.
- Zero chopping required.
- Are you still reading?
- It’s totes fiend-worthy. And an excuse to stock up on nineteen bags of these.
Have a happy, safe and a’spicy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone!
The Best Salsa You Will Ever Eat
By Emily Stoffel
Cook time: 5 mins | Makes about 32 oz
Note: Yes, it’s critical that the tomatoes be of the super-sweet San Marzano variety Fortunately, they’re now available at most Trader Joe’s, Costco and major grocery stores for under $4 a can. Regarding heat levels: if you’re using jarred jalapenos that are labeled as hot, 1 cup produces a truly hot (but not searing) salsa. For a medium salsa, dial the peppers back to 1/2 – 3/4 cup.
- 1 28 oz can San Marzano Tomatoes (see note)
- 2 cloves garlic, peeled
- Up to 1 cup hot jarred jalapenos, drained (see note)
- large handful fresh cilantro, stems removed (15-20 stems worth)
- 1 tsp smoked olive oil, such as Enfuso Turbo Smoke Infused Olive Oil or The Smoked Olive Sonoma Smoked Olive Oil
Combine jalapenos, cilantro and garlic in blender or food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add tomatoes and olive oil and process until smooth. If desired, chill before serving.